I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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