And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
