Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
