My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
