a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
