I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
