I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
