at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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