it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
