You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
