Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize