You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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