We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this boner is exhausting
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
