guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
