Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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