Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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