Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
4 words: hood of his car
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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