he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
