She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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