The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
