OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
