I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
