Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
