he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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