i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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