He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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