My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize