I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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