Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
