you traded sex for a burrito?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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