I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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