She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
