somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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