Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
