He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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