my sisters under your porch take her home
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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