Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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