she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
