PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
