i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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