Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
