you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
