I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
