Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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