So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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