There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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