She is in my trunk
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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