I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
