I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
