i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
