if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
