separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
