May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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