Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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