Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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