he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
