I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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