I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
