Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
